Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Audience and process

Man, there's something freeing about the idea that no one will see this, but at the same time, if I really wanted *no one* to see something, I wouldn't be putting it up on the internet, let alone under my name and entirely unfiltered. So, hmm. Conceit of freedom without the constraints of loneliness I suppose?

Anyway. Process. So I'm writing a book. It's a scary, scary, thing to say, but scarier yet to do. (I'm very used to saying I just write, I'm not a writer, I don't write *books*, I have no ambition of this front. It's all untrue, but it sounds plausible and makes me not need to achieve anything, or seem like I'm failing at goals in front of people.)  But hey, if I can't say that I'm writing a book to you, imaginary audience, to whom can I say it? So, let's posit that I'm writing this book. It's going to be brilliant, fabulous, best seller, etc,etc. But first I have to actually do the writing bit. That's hard.

I've actually been handwriting in a pretty - but heavy - notebook that was sitting, unused, on my bedside table. It's slower going than a computer, certainly, but much more portable. I can write on the subways, f'r'instance. It's also a lot less distracting than a computer with games! and internet! and work! and email! But eventually I'll type up as I go along too, so it'll be a weird mix  I suppose. It's not only really weird not to be able to edit myself nearly as much as I go along - something that often stymies me to the point where I never finish - but not to know how much word count I'm producing, which is often a great motivator for me.

No conclusions, just a brief ramble and a welcome respite from fanatically following the news of Egypt and crying at it. I don't know why I cry at sad and/or inspiring news stories so much, but Iran did it for me and now Egypt is. I think I feel, to some degree, like I have to bear witness. Even if that's all I can do, I can't ignore it, I can't sit by while over a million people put their life on the line for freedoms that I take so much for granted. So I spend a lot of time trying not to cry in the office.

Anywho, back to work and leftover Thai food.

No comments:

Post a Comment